Was It Selfish?

If you've missed the first two parts of our lip/tongue tie adventure start here:

Post 1:  http://jennbeeler.blogspot.com/2014/05/tied-up.html

Post 2:  http://jennbeeler.blogspot.com/2014/05/ameliyas-lip-tie-update.html

On our 2 1/2 hour drive to the pediatric dentist this morning I spent some time reflecting over why I wanted Ameliya's ties fixed so badly.  I struggled with some feelings of wondering if I was being terribly selfish.  Sure, we all know breast is best, but I *could* pump and give her my milk via bottle.  Or I could just saddle up and keep working hard to maintain my supply, push through the pain, and nurse as we have been...I mean we were doing it and she was gaining weight just fine.

So, was it selfish?

The procedure this morning took about all of five minutes.  Yes, Ameliya was very angry at having to be restrained.  No, I don't think she felt much, if any, pain.  Her mouth is a bit tender tonight and she cries when we doing the exercises, stretches, and oil every 2-3 hours, however that soreness could be as much from her having it messed with so much today as from the actual laser experience.  

(about an hour post procedure, as we were leaving the dentist)

This week has been a lot of travel and new experiences.  We are all exhausted.  However, tonight I sat down to nurse Ameliya and realized she didn't need my help with positioning.  She nursed for 10 minutes on the first side without losing latch at all and when she unlatched she looked up at me like "huh, well I'll be."  She did the same on the other side.  When I burped her following her eating she didn't throw up on me from sucking down too much air.  She let out a lady-like burp and grinned.  She's pretty proud of herself.  So is mommy.

We have a lot to re-learn.  Her form and technique is far from perfect and she's still not flanging her upper lip out.  Dr. Wade advised that we nurse for food and comfort today and tomorrow while stretching her lip at other times than when she's nursing, thus not associating the tender lip exercises with a nursing session.  As her lip heals, I will teach her to pull it up while she eats, and he thinks she'll eventually realize this is "right" and do it on her own.  

So, was it selfish? 

I guess you can see it how you want to see it.  I did it for us both, truthfully.  Selfishly, I want to nurse her.  Maybe that's not so selfish at all.  Ameliya should also, however, have an easier time with her mouth in the future.  Even if she was bottle fed she would have likely experienced a poor latch onto a bottle, resulting in tummy pain, gas, spit up, etc.  And as she transitions to solids in the future it's our hope that having this done now will mean less gagging and an easier time manipulating food in her mouth then.  A "free" tongue makes a huge difference.

Tonight, after nursing my sweet baby, she gave me a very satisfied and full smile.  In that moment none of this felt too selfish at all.  It felt just about right...