I...

I AM.....a homeowner(!), a confidante, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a teacher, a big sister & a little sister, and almost a mommy!
I WANT.....to slow down and hold time in my hand. I want to spend less time worrying about what others think and more time living life. I want living my faith to come easily to me.
I HAVE.....just enough energy to get me through the day...a fact I secretly hate.
I WISH I COULD......worry less & love more. I wish I could be more selfless by nature instead of by forced choice.
I HATE.......trying new things and going new places...I have a very nervous, inward personality and little things/changes make me very uncomfortable (so imagine how big ones make me feel!).
I FEAR.......that I won't actually be good at my new job because my heart is still with the kids at my old one.
I SEARCH.......for patience and often for a true purpose.
I REGRET.......hasty decisions, putting things off, and letting myself be so bashful.
I LOVE.........my baby. I LOVE that I get to go to work everyday with my husband. We truly do love each other enough to be okay working in the same buildings & its made both of us more sensitive to the trials of each others' jobs. I LOVE that things have not come easily for us--I think we appreciate them more after we've fought for them...moving home, buying a house, be settled in our careers, financial stability, and having a baby.
I ACHE FOR............children who I am unable to save...if I could take home all the children I've met who are being inappropriately cared for or emotionally abused I'd need a 10+ bedroom home already. I cry for them, I pray for them, & I fight for them. They are my passion.
I ALWAYS CRY...........when my feelings are truly hurt...which unfortunately is frequently. I cry when I am frustrated and when I am happy and I cry when someone makes a life-changing decision. I cry when a child slips through the cracks of an unkind world.
I AM NOT...........perfect...even though I waste a lot of time trying to appear as such to the outside world. Allow me to let you in...it's not easy for me to admit faults, weaknesses, or downfalls of myself or my family. When you ask, we'll always be 'great.' Although we're pretty lucky compared to many, please understand that its not always perfect.
I DANCE...............to slow songs and slow songs only...unless you catch me on Wednesday nights with my toddlers group at church...then anything goes!
I SING..............in the car, in the shower, in bed, when my feelings are hurt & when I'm angry. My favorite manipulation is to make up songs when I'm aggrevated at Mike that express my feelings--he really likes them.
I NEVER............leave home without putting on underpants (stop rolling your eyes...I don't!)
I RARELY..........do laundry until all six slots of sorters are full...why do I do that? (and might I point out I have to have LOTS of pairs of underpants because laundry is such an infrequent occurance in our house).
I CRY WHEN I WATCH............almost any movie because my rule is that I simply don't watch scary movies. My new favorite is Martian Child...if you haven't seen it you must borrow it from me.
I AM NOT ALWAYS.........as organized as I appear.
I HATE THAT...........every aspect of life seems to now have a built in political system--work, regular life, church...it's exhausting and unnecessary. Why can't we just be ourselves & trust that 'ourselves' is good enough?
I'M CONFUSED ABOUT..........God's choice of my placement at this time in my life...but I'm trying to go with the flow...
I NEED...........to feel like I am making a difference.
I SHOULD...........worry less, love more, and try to enjoy life. I should take a deep breath & relax.