Disciplining a Strong-Willed Daughter

Natalee is me...through and through. Perhaps because of this, I've been lax in my discipline of her strong-willed behavior. Although, at age 24, I've finally learned some self control (praise Jesus), I know what it feels like to want to bang my head, stomp my feet, and throw my cup--maybe not in that order.

All joking aside, Natalee's not getting any younger. It's hard for me to be hard on her because she's been delayed in some areas. I don't know what she understands but of late I have a feeling it's much more than she lets out. It used to be that a strong firm loud "No!" would stop her stinky behavior in it's tracks. She'd stop, crumple, and not do it again in the near future (as long as a baby's memory lasts). But lately, she's challenging me. For example, when she gets angry she throws whatever is closest--pacifiers, cups, toys, etc. The loud "no" gets her attention but she's pushing one step further and repeats her behavior--throwing something else. And (da da da) looking at me with that "whatcha gonna do now?" look. (and sigh)

I've been of the school of thought that, while children are young, few rules are best. We have few "no no" areas in the house and the rest is free reign for exploring and investigating. Examples of our "no no" areas that we've had since the beginning are: no touching the DVDs, no playing the the downstairs bathroom (even though she can open the door), no playing in the kitchen when the oven is on (after she showed me that she could open the oven door), and a few others. She's learned these rules fairly well, so I know she's able to; now it's just a matter of upping the ante.

I've seen many different forms of discipline and punishment played out through family and friends. I've seen the "swat every time" method, the "ignore it" method, the "get angry & lose control" method (never seen that one work, though!), & the "time-out" method. But which of these is for me?

Let me be clear that I'm not anti-spanking, however, growing up I remember the very few times I got spankings. My parents didn't use spanking/swatting as a form of discipline, rather as a form of punishment, and it was very effective for my personality type. I want my daughter (and son) to grow up being strong minded but God fearing and parent obeying individuals. It's a very important job that we've been entrusted with and I can't take it lightly.

And so, I'd love to hear your parenting styles and what worked (and didn't) for you. I know that "what worked for one doesn't work for all" but as Mike and I pray about this and start to tighten the ship around here we're open to suggestions. Particularly helpful resources (books, websites, etc.)?...lay it on me. And from me to you--thanks!