The Cold Hard Truth

Okay...here it is. Let me just be blunt. I'm sure you've noticed that my sweet, 23 lb toddler is not walking. We've noticed. We won't pretend we haven't. As active participants in our school's Parents as Teachers program (wonderful, by the way!), our PAT lady has noticed, too. Her developmental checklists "prove" it. And when we had Natalee in for her 15 mo check-up a 1/2 a month late the doctor noticed as well. I'm not blind...I see other 16 month olds running and climbing...

We've struggled with not pushing her--with not forcing her to walk (for how can you force a child to walk?). We've showed her how to move her feet, we hold her hands, we cheer her on. And yet, she crawls. However, perhaps more worrisome than that is at 14 months her gross motor really stopped progressing much at all. She pulls up, cruises some, and recently will stand for about 1-2 seconds by herself without holding on to anything. But that's it.

So I got brave and asked the doctor 'what now?' I'm an Early Childhood Special Education teacher. My kid shouldn't be "delayed" right? But here we are...

And so the doctor tested Natalee's muscle tone--very weak on the right side. And we discussed her birth. And we've concluded that it is possible that because of her cord being wrapped at birth and our sweet girl being born momentarily blue that she could have minor brain damage. And I cried...
Of course I did. Because no matter whether you suspect it or not it still hurts to hear. Because what I heard was not "your child may be special needs" or "your child isn't typical". What I heard is "life may be a little harder for your child." And who wants life to be any harder for their baby than it is already? And words like "mild cerebral palsy" were mentioned...and I cried some more. But I also felt relief. Because deep inside I knew/know that something isn't clicking...and now we go forward. Relief to know that despite us doing our best as parents we might need a little outside help...and it's okay. Of course she's special...she's my baby and she's the most special child I've ever met.

And so...

• we have an appointment with a pediatric neurologist in June to see if these suspicions are true or to see if our girl is just a late bloomer.
• we are chugging along assured that she's perfect and in God's hands.
• we know she will walk--it's just a matter of the right combination of things to make it happen.
  
• we are content and proud of who she is...and realize with doubtless assurance that this is who she was designed to be--that these are the things that make Natalee Natalee.
• we don't want you to be sorry...because we're not.

We've struggled with telling people what's happening...certainly not because we're ashamed but because there are so many unknowns...and what we don't want are rumors and half truths floating around. But we know you've noticed, too, that Natalee is a little delayed--some of you have asked (kindly, might I mention--thank you for being so kind) & some have hinted. However, to temper the gossip train, I ask that you wouldn't say she has CP until we know...and that you don't treat this update as your gossip story of the week. She's our baby, you see...pretend she was yours. What you can do--the reason I finally decided to blog about this--is pray.

Pray that we get a cancellation call and our neurology appointment is moved up. Pray that Natalee learns patience for whatever is to come--and us, too. Pray that we get answers from our doctors--answers and a plan that we understand and can follow through with. Pray for our peace. Pray for our 2nd born--that when he comes we can balance our time in a way that he never feels shadowed or 2nd best...and for Natalee for the same reasons. Pray for my body and mind--as both get weary of being 7 months pregnant and carrying a 23 pound toddler up and down the stairs. But most of all, pray that God's pleasing and perfect will is carried out in Natalee's life--and that we see our role as her parents in that plan. For in this leg of our journey I have felt certain peace--that He's never left me and will walk with us the whole way. Praises for never having to journey alone. Who wouldn't feel peace when you've been given this?...
we are most certainly blessed.