Don't Blink... {On Little Boys Growing Up}

Time....both a thief and a gift.

I could put so many little cheesy sayings in this post....about how we shouldn't blink, and that the days are long but the years are short.  

Nothing helps you understand these things when you are in the thick of raising your first little ones and you're just trying to care for them emotionally and physically and spiritually....you just can't really "get" it, I'm convinced, until you live it.  What a gift our oldest children are to us...the ones who helped raise us into parents.

Young parents....you're doing it.  I'm cheering you on.  There's nothing I can say that will make the tantrums feel any less significant or the sicknesses any less scary.  I wish that I had done better at letting the small stuff be small stuff and enjoying the little moments.  However, just....well, golly, hold on tight.  It really does go so fast.

Xavier - December 2014 (age 4 1/2)

Xavier - June 2025 (age 15)

A new toolbelt for his birthday....but he still needs suspenders to keep it up. :)

Week in the Life {Busy, School Blahs, Co-op}

We had a very full week of learning, living, and fun.

We began our school week with co-op on Mondays.  When we meet on the 2nd Tuesday of the month, we don't have book clubs after lunch, so we made it home at around 1:30 (Aunt Annette was on vacation, so no visit this time!).  Xavier kept Evie awake on the way home so she got her full nap in bed.

In K-2 art, I taught about artist Paul Klee, and the children did a "Klee inspired" watercolor resist project.

A peek at Xavier during Culture and Geography class.

A peek at Natalee during her art class.

A glimpse of Mia and Zayden during PE.  It was a very rainy Monday so PE was done indoors.

A new friend said it best when she said, "I'm so glad Evalynn feels safe and comfortable in our nursery class here."  She has done so wonderfully and is starting to play with the other children instead of just near them, and approaches the other mommies if she needs help or wants attention.

Tuesday we had school as scheduled, gymnastics for Mia and Zayden, and then Xavier had a soccer game.  

I can't get enough of the cuteness of the gymnastics classes.

Mike got caught at work Tuesday, so after his soccer game Xavier rode supper down to him, and I was reminded again to not take for granted that he's just down the street.

Even without Dad, Xabe wasn't without a cheering squad for his game.  Grandma and Papa came up and Ed and Maggie came to watch him.  It was a gorgeous night for soccer.

Grandma and Papa came by for a bit, after a pit stop for Frostys for everyone.

Papa got recliner snuggles and lots of stories.

Grandma got a full run down and show-n-tell about our co-op, and got to hear all about how the big kids have homework.

School, school, school.  For some reason we were a little discombobulated this week.  I'm not exactly sure why - just a bit of a funk we were in.

We kept trying, despite our blah attitudes.  

Zayden is counting dimes and nickels in math, and we learned about Kentucky and Tennessee in geography.  Mia and Zayden continue alternating between writing prompts that I give them and using Draw Write Now.  Mia is almost done with her Sing, Spell, Read, and Write and both are progressing wonderfully with their Rod and Staff reading.  I need to be more consistent with our science anatomy unit.

They both really look forward to cursive.

Natalee and Xavier continue to work hard at their schooling, but they do it more independently and have been working in their rooms (or the living room or outside) vs. at the table with mom.  The table is often loud (instructional readers, math counting, mom reading aloud, Evie banging - I get it - the table is loud).

Natalee had OT, PT, hippotherapy, a zoom appointment, and swim this week.  Swim practice is Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and she has to go to 2 of them.  It looks like a ton.  It is a ton.  But you must realize only swim is a choice activity right now.  And so we march on.  But, by Friday evening, she said, "mom I need to stay home tonight and just relax."  Since we'd gone to swim Monday and Wednesday we let it be her choice, so after Friday's soccer game, we all came home.
(She's in the 2nd lane.)

Thursday hippotherapy.  The weather was crisp but sunny so the younger 4 and I sat outside during most of the lesson.

Friday, post soccer pizza night!

We worked throughout the week and then did a big final 'woosh' of switching everyone's summer wardrobes out for fall/winter, and checking clothes for sizes.  This is an exhausting part of parenting that no one warned me about.  However, we got it done, and have boxes and bags of clothes ready to pass on to their next owners.

We also went through a couple bags of clothes that our friends had passed us.  None were for Evalynn (she got clothes from cousin Scarlette last week!), but she found a way to make it about her - sunglasses were in the bag!

And Mia needed fresh shoes.  She so loves the shoe store! 

Bonus video of our cute toddler with her newfound knowledge that we all taught her.

What I Want to Say (But I Don't)

When the elderly woman at PT today told me that she noticed last time we were there how lovely I looked because I wear loose maternity tops instead of tight ones, I want to tell her that I wear what fits and that I've sweated completely through every layer I have on because this is the biggest I've ever been in my life and I hate that about myself.  But instead I say thank you, because I know she means it as a compliment, and that I steal people's joy when I don't let them give a compliment.

When people pass by my line of children all playing electronics during Natalee's therapy sessions and I feel them judging I want to defend myself and say, "they only get those about once a week.  They've already sat through an OB appointment today, too, before this block of time."  But I don't say anything because I know I shouldn't have to defend myself, even if I want to.

I've been working all week on scheduling Mia's 1 year post op appointment with her pediatric urologist.  Actually this began in around March, when I tried to get an appointment for Natalee and Mia's appointment (in the same facility) scheduled for the same day.  No dice.  Fine.  We like driving.
Last time I talked to the scheduler in May-June, he scheduled us for Aug 2nd, full well knowing we couldn't come that day, but assuring me that we'd get a cancellation work in call over the next 2 months.  That never happened.  So now I'm working with the nightmare of rescheduling at 35 weeks pregnant combined with moving.
The scheduler I talked to today was really nice.  I explained to her the situation and why we were down for Aug 2nd when we knew we couldn't come.  I wanted to tell her, "I know you're thinking he never told us to expect a work in, but he did - and I believed him." She asked about the end of August - yes, I can send her with her dad or maybe grandparents, but I'll be 40 weeks pregnant.  I wanted to say, "I've been trying to get this appointment handled for the last 3 months and can't get anyone to move," but I don't say that.  She asks about mid September.  Well, technically that's 14 months post op and we do have some questions for the doctor, and we're also moving, but if that's what we need to do then go ahead and put it then.  I know she sighs inwardly.  I want to say, "I don't know why my life is so messy right now and I'm sure you're envisioning the type of people you think we are, but really we're just regular people with a lot of transitions right now."  But I don't say that.  I just say I'm sorry.
She asks me what days absolutely will not work and I tell her next Tuesday and Wednesday and August 2nd.  She makes a note and clears her throat.  I know she's thinking I'm awfully demanding.  I want to say, "one child who was recently diagnosed with CP has a clinic appt one of those days and another who has had significant concerns come up has a big neurology test the other day."  I want to tell her I don't understand why all these things are piling up either and I want to pour out my mom worries and heart to her, but I don't.  Because it doesn't make any difference.  She's just the scheduler and I'm just another person.

When I walk around with my planner like it's breathing life into me and I'm scheduling appointments and trying to balance our life and people look at me like I'm absolutely insane, I want to tell them that I don't know how I got here either.  But I don't say anything.  I put on my bravest face and I smile.

When my daughter, who is filterless because of how her brain works, narrates every thought about how she feels about me, I want to tell her that her words are crushing to me but I try not to.  I try to just let them wash over me and not soak in.  Sometimes that works better than others.

I want to tell my kids I'm not as brave or as put together as it appears from the outside, but I don't, because children deserve a strong mother.

I've typed all this and realize it really has no point, except perhaps to caution you to remember, when you run into a mom whose life appears messy that perhaps they don't know how they got there either.  Be kind and if you can't be kind, at the least be still.

A Gentle Reminder

Dear weary parents sitting through so many little league games this season...

Just a gentle reminder that the little girl you are tempted to sigh at, to laugh in fun at...the one who sometimes misses a cue or gets confused as to what to do...the little girl that you whisper to your neighbor about or mutter and grumble towards....

please remember that she belongs to someone.  She is beloved and treasured.  She has overcome many odds.  She has worked hard to learn to tackle everyday activities that you and I take for granted. 

No matter whether she is on your team or the opponent's, keep your words edifying.  Be positive.  Give grace.  Be an encourager.  If you whisper, whisper words of kindness.  Her mama might be sitting nearby or walking behind you....and she might be more proud of that little girl than you'll ever know.  Don't sully her feelings...someday it might be your little girl.

More Chores!?

Chore packs lasted about as long as I thought they would before the tiny tot requested her own!  {The big kids are still doing great with their chore packs, too!}

Such a proud little contributor to the household!

Chore Packs

This little house has been struggling with entitled children grumping over helping out around here.  After some thought and prayer I decided to implement the ever popular (on the internet) chore pack system.  Of course the children are excited about their packs this morning because they are new, but my hope is that even when the excitement wears off the positivity will remain.  

It's not that the children have really cared to help and do chores, but just that they never think to do them on their own and get frustrated at interrupted play to complete their tasks when I finally remember to remind them.  I wanted the chore packs to be simple and thus I designed them to be that way.  

Numbered chores are daily requirements (I may switch them out depending on our needs).  Chores not numbered are extras that mom/dad load into the kids' packs and are "paid for" chores, meaning the kids earn a quarter upon completion of them.

It's nice to have everything done before school and morning activities and it really only took the kids a half hour, if that.  I intend to do an evening chore pack for the kids also to ship shape the house before bedtimes.  

Ameliya wanted a "money" too {pwease} so she earned it by being a laundry helper.

What chore system do you use at your house?? 

Biblical philosophy to instill chores and a bit of work into our children...

Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! Proverbs 6:6

For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: “The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat.” 2 Thessalonians 3:10

Most importantly, in John 13 Jesus sets the ultimate example of servitude by washing the feet of his disciples... I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.  John 13:15

Serving begins here with each other.

My load this morning was much less, my attitude is much cheerier, and everyone feels really good about their accomplishments!  It was a "nag-less" morning - praise.  Have a lovely day!

Training

She's old enough to obey.  You wouldn't believe the comments from people who are in awe that she'll stand with her hand on the magnet hand and wait to be loaded in the car...the stares from strangers at the little sprite who is standing waiting for her Mama like a big girl. 

She obeys because the first time she didn't she was corrected - with firm love - and then again the second time - and now she knows better.  

Isn't she sweet standing there looking around but not wandering around?

We teach them to obey us so they'll learn to obey Him. 

Magnetic hand decal courtesy of {the crafty cAve}.

Potty Training!

Back in September we did a three day potty training trial with Ameliya.  She wasn't ready then so we put it on the back burner.  Last Tuesday I dove in head first again.  She wore long dresses and no pants/undies for the first three days and by the end of it we were getting there. 

{Tuesday - first pee in the potty!}

{Wednesday - reading Everyone Poops}

Her biggest obstacle was that she made it into a power struggle towards me - hard headed little thing.  When her Dad was home she was fine, but when it was just her and I we struggled.  It seemed she took advantage of every busy moment I had - nursing Zayden, changing a diaper, making supper, etc., to go make an accident in the playroom.  When I stayed on top of it/her we did okay.

{Thursday - fussing at me about having to sit on the potty.}

However I persevered with love and smiles.  That's a lie.  On Friday I called my mom, ready to give up, and she convinced me to push through the weekend when Mike was home to help with the other kids.  I'm glad I heeded her advice.  Daddy got tired of no pants and let her wear thick cloth training undies and plastic pants.  Saturday was great and Sunday she even made it through church in her undies!  Today she earned her Minnie Mouse panties!

  

{Sidebar - I realize that though those pictures were taken over 4-5 days she's wearing the same clothes in many pictures.  She has 4 dresses long enough to wear without bottoms and still be "modest."  Every night I washed soiled socks, baby legs, and dresses so we could start again the next day.}

There will be accidents.  She's not fully "trained" yet, however we have turned a corner and won't be turning back.  She can hold it, go pee "on command" when we sit her on the potty, and told me when she needed to go #2 today.  Well on our way!

Congratulations, Ameliya!!  Daddy and I are proud of you!

{Another sidebar - the facts - I potty trained Ameliya very differently than I did the first two.  I dislike potty chairs, however with Ameliya's personality I realized she needed to be able to "see" what she "made" when she went.  Seeing a tinkle in a toilet that already has water in it is impossible.  The potty chair method was very successful for her.  On Sunday, at church, however, she successfully used the big girl potty with a potty ring with no trouble.  Also, I bought disposable Pull-Up type pants for her for when we went to church, etc., but I realized by Sunday morning that if I put her in them for church I was sending her the message that I didn't really think she could do this.  So I bravely packed another outfit and put her in the undies/plastic pants.  She was successful!  I also did have to send Mike and the big kids on to church alone when she refused to sit on the potty and go before leaving for church.  I told her I would take her as soon as she went and she went almost as soon as they left.  She and I (and Zayden) arrived 10 minutes late to service.  This was annoying, however, it was a turning point in the behavior part of our potty training.  She realized I meant what I said.  Potty training (at least for Ameliya) is as much behavior training as it is training the body/muscles to do what you want them to do.  Did I mention she's stubborn spirited?}

I Lost My Dolly Today

Today was just a day.  It's been a tough week, and so when friends asked if we wanted to have a park weenie roast we readily agreed.  The park was full so we met at our house, which was just as fun.  

But back to the subject at hand...

We needed a few things for the roast so I voted myself the one to run to the store.  I specifically waited for Ameliya to wake up from nap so she could go along with me -- just she and I.  We had such a good time.  She walked beside me, loading the items we needed - being Mama's shadow helper.  She chattered, and then helped unload our items onto the belt when it was time to pay.  When we left, she wanted to carry a bag so I gave her one and she carried/drug it to the van.  I held her sweet chubby little hand all the way to the van door.  I opened the door, still holding her hand and then let go briefly to carefully put in the bags I had in the other hand without crushing the chips and buns.  

I let go briefly.  She was right there.  I was talking to her the whole time. She was right beside my leg.  Two seconds.  Maybe.  I turned to pick her up, telling her what a good girl she was to help mama.  She was gone.  Gone.  I didn't panic.  It'd been two seconds.  She was right there, surely had walked around to my other leg.  I turned a circle.  I scanned up the van, down the van.  I ran behind the van.  No Dolly.  I yelled her name.  "Ameliya!"  I ran to the front of the van, where it was parked against the sidewalk.  "Ameliya!"  She was right there.  She had to be there.  I ran back behind the van and fully scanned the parking lot.  "Ameliya!"  I screamed.  She was right there.  Ten seconds.  Ten seconds had to have passed.  Imagine it...

One Mississippi...

Two Mississippi...

Three Mississippi...

Four Mississippi...

Five Mississippi...

Six Mississippi...

Seven Mississippi...

Eight Mississippi...

Nine Mississippi...

Ten Mississippi...

My baby.  The stories I'd read of sex traffickers stealing baby girls...of kidnappings...of the horrors that is now the world we live in...they all rolled through my mind in those seconds.  

  

When I ran back behind the van the second time, screaming her name, a man called out.  "She's here," he said.  He was parked beside me on the passenger side.  Immediately realizing my error I ran fully around the van.  I'd gone to the front and the back but not around.  There she was.  By the passenger front bumper.  

I should have spanked her.

I couldn't. 

In all my terror I scooped up her tiny baby body and I squeezed her too tightly.

The man, he'd watched her the whole time.  Not in a creepy way, but in the way of a good person.  He didn't get out and scare her - he rolled down his window, presumably prepared to act if she ran to the parking lot - and he kept his eye on her.  Maybe not enough time had even passed for him to think through what he would do.  I put my hand on his arm.  I thanked him, tears rolling down my face.  

Two seconds.  I'd turned around for two seconds.  We've been working so hard to train her.  I trusted her.  Two seconds that turned into ten seconds while searching.  No time, when you're looking at the clock.  But an eternity.   

I cried all the way home.  I cried when I confessed to my husband.  I cried retyping the scenario just now.

If you need to judge me, go ahead.  I judged myself all evening, replaying what I should have done differently...what could have happened.  However I didn't confess here on my blog for your judgement.  I confessed here to be reminded of my error, of the preciousness of the lives of my children, and of the job with which I am charged when God gifts them to me.  If you are able to swallow your judgement I invite you to learn from my mistake.  Ten seconds was too long.  Trust me.  

Ameliya Darby, you are precious to us.  Tonight you aged me and I may never be able to laugh about it, but I love you all the same.  Don't ever do it again.