The sensory smart mommy has been absent from the world of blogger for
a few weeks now. I haven't abandoned you all (my few faithful
followers). I've been doing a lot of soul searching and praying over
our new lifestyle and just how important it is to our family. Let me
back up...
A month ago our dear babysitter arrived home
from a Nature's Sunshine conference in Hawaii and gave us her
resignation. It wasn't easy for her to give or for me to receive.
However, as I listened to her talk about the next phase in her life I
felt a strange peace...the peace that only God can give. I've long
since prayed about staying home with my children. I've been praying the
same prayer since Natalee was 8 weeks old and I was preparing to go
back to work: "Lord God, if it be your will for me to stay home with my
children please lead me to that place. Please let it be You and not
me. Please help me follow Your will and not mine. But please be
obvious because I'm sometimes thick-headed." Well, the prayer has gone
something like that over the last three years....maybe not those exact
words but pretty close!
When Lora Jean resigned she
said, "what will you do?" So, for some reason I spilled out my dream to
her...to stay home with my children. To resign from my "mission field"
of teaching public school and do a little preschool/daycare in my
home. To work on growing my knowledge of herbals and natural living and
to protect and teach my family as well as I can in the process.
Mike
wasn't with me and in fact worked late into the night after Lora Jean
and I's discussion so after the children went to bed I settled down with
my Bible and my thoughts and delved in. Let me be clear...do I believe
it's a sin to be a working mother? Absolutely not. I just feel like
God has called me home at this point in my life. But I also believe
that everything that's led me to this point was part of His perfect and
intricate plan:
- Learning to be a teacher of special learners...being given a special learner for my own.
- Praying for and finding Lora Jean a mere week before school started
in 2009...among other blessings, Lora Jean helping lead us to a more
natural lifestyle.
- Working in the mission field of a public school for 4 years...deciding homeschooling might be a real option for our lifestyle.
- Having other family that also chooses natural foods and herbal
remedies...not feeling like such an outcast and having other valuable
resources to turn to.
So after an evening of praying and reading I went to bed pretty
certain about what I was supposed to do. Quit my job. *gulp* How was I
ever going to sell Mike? Don't get me wrong...we've discussed this at
length. He's known my heart since I started praying this ^
prayer...he's prayed for me and our family in the same fashion. But
it's never been "time." There are bills to pay and we've always had
Lora Jean so the issue was never pressing. But now....
So I
texted a couple of my prayer warriors and asked them to pray
specifically for Mike's response to finding out Lora Jean was
resigning. And when I told him in the van the next morning on the way
to drop the children off he promptly said, "I guess this is the sign
we've been waiting for that you should stay home with the kids."
Say
what? Again...the peace that passes understanding came right over me
and I knew it was Him, not me. So we committed to praying about it, and
pray we did for 3 weeks. We prayed hard when I got my contract and we
realized I had to sign or resign by March 31st. Mike had concerns...his
biggest ones were Natalee's therapy services and how well I would get
along without any adult interaction throughout the day. I was flattered
he was concerned about me. Overall, the prayers of my heart prevailed
though, and with great peace and excitement I resigned from my position
as early childhood special education teacher.
It's
interesting to me how Christ can take all the uncertainty out of
something that could be so scary, like walking away from my contracted
job and does something wonderful. Like this:
Within
days of my resignation He filled my 4 spots for my in home daycare and
preschool. He led me, the procrastinator, to complete an enrollment
packet for my new clientele. He's piqued others interest in Nature's
Sunshine products and is encouraging me to not sweep our herbal
lifestyle under the rug but rather to speak boldly of it. I know that
Satan is on the prowl and ready to tromp on the joy that is happening in
our home but we will certainly speak boldly AGAINST him and triumph the
Lord through all that we do. My excitement over our future is huge but
I do see signs of Satan's presence. My struggle to not buy every
little thing I think I need right now (to start the preschool and to
stock my herbal 'store'); the little uncertainty I've had over making
the preschool fit well in our home....
but
the Lord is prevailing through this all and sticking close to me so
that I can work through this things. So instead I'm making a yard sale
list of things to keep my eyes out for this summer that I'd like for
preschool...and Mike didn't flip out when I asked if we could put his
treasured DVD collection in CD books and use the DVD shelf for preschool
supplies (have I mentioned how awesome he's been about this?).
So
there you have my long and rambling testimony (did you expect anything
but long and rambling?). I'm excited to be back in the blogging world
now that you all know my deep secret! :) And excited to keep you
up-to-date on how we make a sensory smart preschool/daycare work here in
our little home full of love!